Monday, July 25, 2011

I hate the nights

Struggling today. Actually just tonight. It has been a week. But nothing of last week was my normal routine. Then tonight I went to watch The Bachelorette, and it all went down hill. It was the last thing I did before my life flipped upside-down.

I still can't believe this is happening.

I spent Friday from 3-midnight packing up my life with my parents. I hit a huge wall - I just sat there crying, overwhelmed. I just wanted it to be over. Dad, Austin and I went back Saturday to finish. I gave him my keys and it was over. That chapter ended and a new one began with the shut of the door.

Talking to him helped a little. I still can't stop worrying about him. I just want to know he is ok.

Sleeping is the worst. I basically watch tv til I fall asleep because I can't sleep alone. Never could, I always made him go with me when I was ready.

Learning how to do my daily life alone is hard. It sounds so stupid, but it is true. I am so used to making dinner for 2, watching tv with someone, having someone to listen to my random thoughts.

I just want the roller coaster of emotions to stop. I am tired of having a good day, only to have a bad night. I want the hurt to stop. I miss him.

I know it will get easier, I know everything happens for a reason, but I just want to fast forward past this part.

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