Wednesday, July 20, 2011


I don't even know where to begin. I am sorry if you are a friend and finding out this information this way. However, I can't keep talking about it, and this is my outlet. Please forgive me for not calling you. I never thought I would be making this post on my blog.

Life as I have known it for the past 5 years has completely changed. 

Monday night, Matt and I decided to break up. It wasn't ugly. It wasn't nasty. It just was. 

I am scared. I have to learn how to be single again. Everything that I know has changed. Everything that I thought was my future has changed. 

I feel lost. I am losing so much right now. My boyfriend, my best friend, my independence.

I am so lucky that the family I work for has taken me in and given me a place to live. It is now one less thing I have to worry about until I figure out my next steps. They are so wonderful to me. It is so hard to go from your own place, where everything is yours and you can do whatever you want, whenever you want, to living in someone else's space. But this is the best for me. I was able to move out right away instead of having to stay and live there trying to figure out how to act around him. This gives me time figure it all out. I can't even begin to explain how thankful I am that they are taking me in. They didn't even think twice. So. Good. To. Me.

I am sad. Very sad. The person I was/am in love with is gone from my life. I have never been a smoker, but I imagine that this is similar to quitting cold turkey. One day I am hanging with my best friend and love at happy hour and the next day I am moving out of our apartment.

I can't figure it out, how am I supposed to keep going through my days as if its normal. I have gone to text him many times only to stop because its no longer appropriate to bother him. The things we used to do together will now be things I have to do alone. I don't know if I will ever get used to not having him around.

It is all very scary and lonely. I have a feeling the tone of my little blog might change a little for a while. I am certain that I will be ok, and I will be able to be happy again. It will just take time. I just hate this. I hate the fact that my heart is broken. I miss him. I hope that once we both heal we can be friends again. I will always love him and be there for him.

So a new chapter in my life begins. Holy crap am I scared.

Pray for me.


  1. this is a learning experience and i can promise you will come out on the other side (a little bruised) but okay
    i know it isn't a feel good quote but sometimes you just have to remember:
    "so it goes"

  2. I wish I'd read this before commenting on your last post...

    I'm so sorry to hear about what a rough time you're going through right now, and I know we only "virtually" know each other but truly, if you ever want to just unload on someone you've got my email address and I'd be happy to read/listen.

    If there is anything I can do please let me know, and you will certainly me in my prayers. {{hugs}}} <3

  3. Oh hon, so sorry to hear this! Break ups are tough, but if he was no longer happy, then you're better off without him and being free to move on to eventually meet the right person for you. Yes, it's heartbreaking, lonely and there's that void now that you don't know how to fill. My best advice? Keep yourself busy, get a new hobby if you have to.

    I love playing volleyball and the last time I got into it was exactly right after my boyfriend broke up with me. So for the 3 hours a night I was playing I wasn't thinking about him, I was joking around and meeting new people and keeping myself busy. It helped. A lot. Find something like that, and just keep yourself occupied. You'll get through it, we all do, but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like hell in the meantime.