Monday, February 16, 2015

There is so much more that I haven't blogged about, that I want to blog about, and yet, the only thing on my heart is something pretty sad.

You may or may not know, my grandfather is battling lung cancer. He did radiation and tests now show there is a 2nd spot.

When I found out he was first diagnosed, I didn't know how to handle it.

I am blessed beyond measure. I am 30 years old, and still spend holidays with all four of my grandparents. It is not lost on me how rare that is.

I found out in August. All I could think about was my wedding, how sad I would be if my grandfather wasn't there. I got angry because that felt so selfish.

We knew that radiation wouldn't do much, there was not going to be a story where Grandpap, beat cancer. Now with the 2nd spot, it is more like when.

At Christmas, it was in the back of all of our heads, that this was probably the last Christmas with him, but there was hope that it wouldn't be. Now it seems as though it really was the last one (though I pray the doctors are wrong)

Now it is bigger than my wedding. I am selfish, I don't want to spend a family dinner, birthday celebration, thanksgiving, Christmas without him. I don't want there to not be the latest joke from readers digest being told.

I haven't had to deal with this before, and I don't want to. This pretty much sucks and I don't know how to handle it.

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