Struggling today. Actually just tonight. It has been a week. But nothing of last week was my normal routine. Then tonight I went to watch The Bachelorette, and it all went down hill. It was the last thing I did before my life flipped upside-down.
I still can't believe this is happening.
I spent Friday from 3-midnight packing up my life with my parents. I hit a huge wall - I just sat there crying, overwhelmed. I just wanted it to be over. Dad, Austin and I went back Saturday to finish. I gave him my keys and it was over. That chapter ended and a new one began with the shut of the door.
Talking to him helped a little. I still can't stop worrying about him. I just want to know he is ok.
Sleeping is the worst. I basically watch tv til I fall asleep because I can't sleep alone. Never could, I always made him go with me when I was ready.
Learning how to do my daily life alone is hard. It sounds so stupid, but it is true. I am so used to making dinner for 2, watching tv with someone, having someone to listen to my random thoughts.
I just want the roller coaster of emotions to stop. I am tired of having a good day, only to have a bad night. I want the hurt to stop. I miss him.
I know it will get easier, I know everything happens for a reason, but I just want to fast forward past this part.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
:(
I took my necklace off today. The one that says I love you that I got for my birthday. It sucked. It has been my security blanket for 3ish years. When I am nervous or sad I always fiddled with it.
Yesterday was a good day, not a lot of crying. Today, not so much.
Yesterday was a good day, not a lot of crying. Today, not so much.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Paleo Eating Week 3
This is a bit late.
Last week I did really well. Stuck to the plan and also ate out and only cheated a little.
Energy last week was still really good. It is really the best part of this diet. I never feel sluggish.
As of Monday after 3 full weeks paleo, I am down 10 lbs. Still with the only exercise lately being chasing 2 - 2 year olds around.
:-D I have still been missing carbs and sugar some. But its getting better.
Last week I did really well. Stuck to the plan and also ate out and only cheated a little.
Energy last week was still really good. It is really the best part of this diet. I never feel sluggish.
As of Monday after 3 full weeks paleo, I am down 10 lbs. Still with the only exercise lately being chasing 2 - 2 year olds around.
:-D I have still been missing carbs and sugar some. But its getting better.
changes
I don't even know where to begin. I am sorry if you are a friend and finding out this information this way. However, I can't keep talking about it, and this is my outlet. Please forgive me for not calling you. I never thought I would be making this post on my blog.
Life as I have known it for the past 5 years has completely changed.
Monday night, Matt and I decided to break up. It wasn't ugly. It wasn't nasty. It just was.
I am scared. I have to learn how to be single again. Everything that I know has changed. Everything that I thought was my future has changed.
I feel lost. I am losing so much right now. My boyfriend, my best friend, my independence.
I am so lucky that the family I work for has taken me in and given me a place to live. It is now one less thing I have to worry about until I figure out my next steps. They are so wonderful to me. It is so hard to go from your own place, where everything is yours and you can do whatever you want, whenever you want, to living in someone else's space. But this is the best for me. I was able to move out right away instead of having to stay and live there trying to figure out how to act around him. This gives me time figure it all out. I can't even begin to explain how thankful I am that they are taking me in. They didn't even think twice. So. Good. To. Me.
I am sad. Very sad. The person I was/am in love with is gone from my life. I have never been a smoker, but I imagine that this is similar to quitting cold turkey. One day I am hanging with my best friend and love at happy hour and the next day I am moving out of our apartment.
I can't figure it out, how am I supposed to keep going through my days as if its normal. I have gone to text him many times only to stop because its no longer appropriate to bother him. The things we used to do together will now be things I have to do alone. I don't know if I will ever get used to not having him around.
It is all very scary and lonely. I have a feeling the tone of my little blog might change a little for a while. I am certain that I will be ok, and I will be able to be happy again. It will just take time. I just hate this. I hate the fact that my heart is broken. I miss him. I hope that once we both heal we can be friends again. I will always love him and be there for him.
So a new chapter in my life begins. Holy crap am I scared.
Pray for me.
I am so lucky that the family I work for has taken me in and given me a place to live. It is now one less thing I have to worry about until I figure out my next steps. They are so wonderful to me. It is so hard to go from your own place, where everything is yours and you can do whatever you want, whenever you want, to living in someone else's space. But this is the best for me. I was able to move out right away instead of having to stay and live there trying to figure out how to act around him. This gives me time figure it all out. I can't even begin to explain how thankful I am that they are taking me in. They didn't even think twice. So. Good. To. Me.
I am sad. Very sad. The person I was/am in love with is gone from my life. I have never been a smoker, but I imagine that this is similar to quitting cold turkey. One day I am hanging with my best friend and love at happy hour and the next day I am moving out of our apartment.
I can't figure it out, how am I supposed to keep going through my days as if its normal. I have gone to text him many times only to stop because its no longer appropriate to bother him. The things we used to do together will now be things I have to do alone. I don't know if I will ever get used to not having him around.
It is all very scary and lonely. I have a feeling the tone of my little blog might change a little for a while. I am certain that I will be ok, and I will be able to be happy again. It will just take time. I just hate this. I hate the fact that my heart is broken. I miss him. I hope that once we both heal we can be friends again. I will always love him and be there for him.
So a new chapter in my life begins. Holy crap am I scared.
Pray for me.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Eating Paleo Week 2
Last week my schedule was back to normal. I went in an hour later and worked later 2 days, but for the most part everything was normal.
I was able to stay strictly paleo all work week. Friday night I went out to dinner with my family. I managed to eat paleo out at dinner. That made me really happy because I was worried that going out would mean an automatic fail. I ordered a steak, and substituted veggies for the sides. I also got a salad bar.
Saturday we went out with friends, and at first we were going to an asain place, and I knew there was no way I would be paleo there, because I really don't like much asain food. But, luckily we ended up at an american place, and I had the best rotisserie chicken and carrots.
All weekend I was fighting a bad cold/sore throat deal. Sunday it struck with full force and I really didn't get out of bed. I had zero appetite and when I did finally decide I wanted to eat, the thought of meat and veggies made me sick. I had some chicken soup and Matt made me mac and cheese. It was exactly what I wanted. Even if it wasn't paleo. Did it make me feel gross and blah? No idea, because I already felt horrible, there was no place to go but up!
Today is the first day of the Whole30 challenge with a bunch of girls I met through Jenna @ Paleo Project. It will be nice to have a group of people doing the same thing with me. Matt has also been great. When I complain about craving something he reminds me that this is good for me. He also points out when I am talking about eating something, that it is not paleo. He also hasn't complained once about the lack of grains in our dinners and is trying the new recipes I find without complaint.
As for energy. Up until getting sick, I had a ton! I was staying up later all week because of school work and other things, and getting up at my normal time, but I felt great. This weekend I did a lot of sleeping and laying around, but that is what being sick will do to you.
When I weighed myself this am, I was down 2 more lbs. For a grand total of 7 for the 2 weeks. It might have been lower if I hadn't have indulged on the comfort of the blue box. :-D
This week I hope to stick to it, and since I have a bunch of new friends doing it too, I hope it will be easier.
30 days of Paleo starts today :-D
I was able to stay strictly paleo all work week. Friday night I went out to dinner with my family. I managed to eat paleo out at dinner. That made me really happy because I was worried that going out would mean an automatic fail. I ordered a steak, and substituted veggies for the sides. I also got a salad bar.
Saturday we went out with friends, and at first we were going to an asain place, and I knew there was no way I would be paleo there, because I really don't like much asain food. But, luckily we ended up at an american place, and I had the best rotisserie chicken and carrots.
All weekend I was fighting a bad cold/sore throat deal. Sunday it struck with full force and I really didn't get out of bed. I had zero appetite and when I did finally decide I wanted to eat, the thought of meat and veggies made me sick. I had some chicken soup and Matt made me mac and cheese. It was exactly what I wanted. Even if it wasn't paleo. Did it make me feel gross and blah? No idea, because I already felt horrible, there was no place to go but up!
Today is the first day of the Whole30 challenge with a bunch of girls I met through Jenna @ Paleo Project. It will be nice to have a group of people doing the same thing with me. Matt has also been great. When I complain about craving something he reminds me that this is good for me. He also points out when I am talking about eating something, that it is not paleo. He also hasn't complained once about the lack of grains in our dinners and is trying the new recipes I find without complaint.
As for energy. Up until getting sick, I had a ton! I was staying up later all week because of school work and other things, and getting up at my normal time, but I felt great. This weekend I did a lot of sleeping and laying around, but that is what being sick will do to you.
When I weighed myself this am, I was down 2 more lbs. For a grand total of 7 for the 2 weeks. It might have been lower if I hadn't have indulged on the comfort of the blue box. :-D
This week I hope to stick to it, and since I have a bunch of new friends doing it too, I hope it will be easier.
30 days of Paleo starts today :-D
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Come back...please...
10 tv shows I would like to come back....
I watched this show all the time while eating dinner. (yup we were that family that ate in front of the tv... and we are all still alive and well and we like each other, so to each their own.) I loved it.
This show was one of my favorites. I always wished I had a 2nd story bedroom so my friends could come in using a ladder.
Enough Said.
Please tell me someone remember this show? I have memories of going swimming at Ms. Navonna's pool and then coming home and watching this show. I loved it.
This was also a summer favorite.
Haha, my mom HATED this show. She wasn't a fan of "potty humor" We loved it.
Skinnamarink e-dink e-dink
Skinnamarink e-doo
I love you.
Totally sing this to the girls now :-D I honestly don't really remember what went on here, but I remember I loved it.
These two shows were classic after school favorites.
I Love Zack Morris. I didn't like the college years, but I always wanted to be Kelly... HA, never happened :-D
What shows did you love growing up?
Linking up with Mama K today!
I watched this show all the time while eating dinner. (yup we were that family that ate in front of the tv... and we are all still alive and well and we like each other, so to each their own.) I loved it.
This show was one of my favorites. I always wished I had a 2nd story bedroom so my friends could come in using a ladder.
Enough Said.
Please tell me someone remember this show? I have memories of going swimming at Ms. Navonna's pool and then coming home and watching this show. I loved it.
This was also a summer favorite.
Haha, my mom HATED this show. She wasn't a fan of "potty humor" We loved it.
Skinnamarink e-dink e-dink
Skinnamarink e-doo
I love you.
Totally sing this to the girls now :-D I honestly don't really remember what went on here, but I remember I loved it.
These two shows were classic after school favorites.
I Love Zack Morris. I didn't like the college years, but I always wanted to be Kelly... HA, never happened :-D
What shows did you love growing up?
Linking up with Mama K today!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Eating Paleo Week 1
I have been reading a lot about the Paleo diet, or caveman's diet. Everything I have read has had positive things today. Matt and I have been in a food rut, and we just end up eating crap because we don't know what else to do. So I figured worst case, we get some new recipes in our diet.
So last Sunday we went grocery shopping. We didn't put cheese-its in the cart or rice. Insteaad we spent a lot of time in the produce section. This is very different from a normal shopping trip. With food bought and menu made I went to bed ready to start this.
I had some concerns. 1 - I am picky. I don't like a lot of different veggies or meats. I was/am worried that I will get bored of it. 2- This diet requires work. You have to plan ahead, you can't just grab a sandwich on the way out the door to work.
But you never know til you try.
So Monday am I weighed myself (I am not doing this to lose weight- just to feel better about myself- if weight loss ensues then sweet :-D )
I am going to put this out there, while my goal was to follow paleo strictly, I was not going to beat myself up if I cheated a little. I know that weekends are always going to be hard.
So how did it go?
Well from Monday breakfast to Friday Lunch, I was perfect, I only ate according to the paleo plan. Friday we went out with friends to a Mexican place. I ate chips and salsa, I don't regret it. :-D I ordered fajitas and I only ate one tortilla shell and a little rice. The rest of the meal I just ate the steak and onions. Saturday I made burgers with my brother, I didn't eat a bun, but I did eat chips. Fail Whale. But they were good :-D
How did I feel? Well, this week I only worked Monday and Tuesday so I was able to sleep in a bit more than normal, but I felt like I had more energy. Many times I feel like I need a nap at nap time or even fall asleep reading at nap time, but this week I didn't feel that way at all. Friday Matt and I walked around for a good 4 hours apartment hunting and normally I would have been spent and ready for a nap, but I was good to go and actually didn't get to bed until like 1:30am. I will have a better idea of how this affects me this week when I am back to my normal work schedule.
I will say that after dinner Friday, I felt full and heavy, boarder line gross. But Other meals last week I feel like I ate more than I did Friday and I never felt gross.
Hopefully next week I will have similar experiences.
I did lose 5lbs this week... It probably would have been more if I didn't cheat Friday and Saturday
Edit** I forgot to add - I spent the week doing work and school work, so I logged a big goose egg for workouts this week. Hopefully adding workouts back in will not change my energy level.
So last Sunday we went grocery shopping. We didn't put cheese-its in the cart or rice. Insteaad we spent a lot of time in the produce section. This is very different from a normal shopping trip. With food bought and menu made I went to bed ready to start this.
I had some concerns. 1 - I am picky. I don't like a lot of different veggies or meats. I was/am worried that I will get bored of it. 2- This diet requires work. You have to plan ahead, you can't just grab a sandwich on the way out the door to work.
But you never know til you try.
So Monday am I weighed myself (I am not doing this to lose weight- just to feel better about myself- if weight loss ensues then sweet :-D )
I am going to put this out there, while my goal was to follow paleo strictly, I was not going to beat myself up if I cheated a little. I know that weekends are always going to be hard.
So how did it go?
Well from Monday breakfast to Friday Lunch, I was perfect, I only ate according to the paleo plan. Friday we went out with friends to a Mexican place. I ate chips and salsa, I don't regret it. :-D I ordered fajitas and I only ate one tortilla shell and a little rice. The rest of the meal I just ate the steak and onions. Saturday I made burgers with my brother, I didn't eat a bun, but I did eat chips. Fail Whale. But they were good :-D
How did I feel? Well, this week I only worked Monday and Tuesday so I was able to sleep in a bit more than normal, but I felt like I had more energy. Many times I feel like I need a nap at nap time or even fall asleep reading at nap time, but this week I didn't feel that way at all. Friday Matt and I walked around for a good 4 hours apartment hunting and normally I would have been spent and ready for a nap, but I was good to go and actually didn't get to bed until like 1:30am. I will have a better idea of how this affects me this week when I am back to my normal work schedule.
I will say that after dinner Friday, I felt full and heavy, boarder line gross. But Other meals last week I feel like I ate more than I did Friday and I never felt gross.
Hopefully next week I will have similar experiences.
I did lose 5lbs this week... It probably would have been more if I didn't cheat Friday and Saturday
Edit** I forgot to add - I spent the week doing work and school work, so I logged a big goose egg for workouts this week. Hopefully adding workouts back in will not change my energy level.
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